Hating your ex and why I don't get people that do.

I've never quite understood women who go off on rampages and hate their ex's. Nor do I get the "baby mamas" who refuse to let their children see their father for no other reason except they believe somewhere that they are hurting the father. No, you are only hurting your children in the long run. Grow up already. You loved this man at one time or another. You decided to have one or more children with him so when things go sour don't hold it against your children and don't use your children as pawns. It is disgusting and unnecessary.

I do know that there are some men that really don't deserve to see their children but I believe these men are not as prevalent as some women state. I don't understand why some women wouldn't want the father of her children involved with his children if he wants to be.

My life is so much easier since I stopped being angry with the father of my oldest daughter. It wasn't helping me in any way and it certainly wasn't helping Sofie. I want her to have a great relationship with her dad. I don't ever want her looking back on her childhood and think that I stood in the way of a relationship between her and her father. She has two parents and we have to work together to raise a confident, happy, secure and well-loved little girl.

I don't believe you can or should start a new relationship till you get over the anger you have for your ex. It is not fair to your new partner. Work through the anger and attempt to find peace with your new life. Relationships take two to work and take two to break. What was your role in the breakup?

I've always stood by the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that states "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". I really do believe this. You would have to give up a part of yourself in doing so and I don't wish to ever give up a part of myself to anyone. The stakes are too high and the rewards are nil. At the same time words can still wound and they can still upset someone. It is our choice on what we decide to do with the hurt feelings that have happened. I know for myself that I struggle to not be upset. I'm working at not internalising what others say to me.

When I internalize what others say to me I'm not letting them make me feel inferior but rather not letting them take up space in my head. When my feelings are hurt or I get my back up I try to (key word try! I'm only human) take the time to meditate and reflect on exactly why I'm feeling the way I do. Is it something that can help me grow and learn about myself? Will it make me a better person? Or is this person projecting their own insecurities and faults on to me? Either way by reflecting on my hurt feelings I end up with a better understanding of myself. I know I want to make a conscious effort to use my words in a more positive way. Yes, I like to argue and like to rant about things but I should be able to do so in a more positive manner. Right? I can at least try and that is more than I have been doing.

Words in general are powerful. We really need to may a better effort at using them in ways that don't make someone feel less than or inferior. Even though Roosevelt's quote says otherwise many people do not have the ability to self-reflect or the ability to let things slide so that they don't give away their consent to feel inferior. As a parent my words can either build my children up or it can crush them. I think it would be a lot easier for my children to hold on to their hypothetical consent if they have grown up knowing that they will not be belittled or made fun of. No one deserves that. EVER.

I wanted to write a blog about words and intentions but it didn't really work out that way.

Dating and other fun things

Apparently if you are single mother you are seen as a whore or a loser by many people. The funny thing is as far as anyone is concerned I've only had sex 3 times. Or there is the idea that maybe I'm single out of choice. For the most part I am single because I want to be. I've dated a few people in the past. I do want to find someone to share my life with. At the end of the day when my kids are asleep and the house is quiet I do want someone there to spend time with. To discuss things and bounce ideas off. Most of my friends are married or are in long term relationships. The feelings of 'loserdom' comes into play when I feel like I'm the only one that doesn't have a partner or a spouse. I'm always the odd one out. Is there something wrong with me? I know that I'm odd and quirky but really?

I try not to let these feelings of inadequacy bother me or bring me down. I know that I'm pretty flipping awesome and have a lot to give. One day there will be a guy that completes our family. That not only loves me but loves my kids as well. I know it may be a huge thing to overcome or want to deal with but I won't become overly cynical or a social recluse because some guys aren't able to handle the fact that I have 3 kids. They are the ones missing out not me.

I like being single in many ways. Not having to worry about cooking meat (where are all the men who eat less meat or are vegetarian) or cooking what they like. If I don't feel like doing something I don't. But at the same time I miss talking to someone other than the dogs or Sawyer while cooking.

to be continued.

mothering......

Being a mother is hard work. I really don't believe that being a single mother is that much hard than a mother in a two parent home. They both come with different difficult "aspects" with very rewarding results. I think what is the most difficult is getting some sort of routine started and sticking to it. Be it for chores, bed time, cooking or for everything. I find that I feel most overwhelmed when my living room is a mess and I have dishes that need to be washed. I've been staying consistent with getting my older two to help tidy the living room. They are finally getting the point because I've been throwing toys out that are being left around. I'm hoping that soon I will have to be repeating myself over and over again.

That being said I do have a few things that I cannot stand that people say-

"Oh, well I'm going to be a single parent for the weekend"- no, you are just being the same parent you always are. Your spouse will be back Sunday night. It is no where close to what being a single parent is like.

"Your house should be spotless since you are home all day" - right! I have a 3 year old and an almost 1 year old you are constantly into things. I do my best to keep it as clean as possible but Mondays and Wednesday are crazy at my place that I'm lucky that I get to school on time.

"Wow, you have your hands full"- yes, but I wouldn't change it!

"You are still nursing?- I didn't know it was any of your business when I choose to wean my child.

Yes, I know I more than likely contradicted myself. I will attempt to explain myself. As a single mother I do all the same things mothers do that have a spouse. But at the end of the day I  do not have that other person. I do not have the second pair of hands that can wipe Sofie's bum while helping Keeghan with his homework. There is just me. Yes a mother's work is never done but stating you are a single parent for any length of time drives me batty because you have someone there. But then I feel upset with myself because I know not everyone has a partner that helps out. They feel they only have to work. So I really should get over my anger over those kinds of statements.  I'm pretty sure I just talked myself in a big circle.